The calendar on the wall tells me that it is December 27th, so that can only mean one thing. Actually, that can mean many things, but let's focus on the agenda at hand.
It's resolution time.
I have already laid out a paradigm shift that I will employ in my personal life for the coming year, and now it is time to address the additional goals and changes that are in store for yours truly.
- 2008 will be the year that I employ dramatic pratfalls while showing my listings. The object is to keep the buyer in the house as long as possible, right? We'll be there for an extra half hour as they wait for me to regain consciousness from the Triple Lindy I perform in the foyer.
- I will shave my head and join the local Hare Krishna chapter before spending another dime on fruitless newspaper advertising in 2008. If I am going to light my money on fire, I would at least like to enjoy the pretty flame.
- I will not fall for the banana in the tailpipe.
- I will continue to ignore the expert Real Estate analysis that is provided by the likes of shrieking red-faced, future stroke victims on CNBC who pick stocks for a living.
- I will listen attentively to the sellers who provide an hour long explanation of what they need to sell their house for before politely telling them that the market doesn't care.
- I will spice up my open houses with B-list celebrity participation. Come on, are you telling me you wouldn't stop by if Isaac from The Love Boat was serving mimosas?
- I will remember to pick up the dry cleaning ... from 2006.
- I move another year closer to being able to use the long-awaited slogan "2010: The Year We Make Contract."
- I resolve to have two of the six slots in my car's CD changer loaded with Bryan Adams and a "various artists" compilation of "O Canada" renditions. Our neighbors to the North will be buying a lot of Scottsdale Real Estate this year!
- Obtain first place position on Google for Scottsdale AZ Real Estate, Phoenix AZ Real Estate, Paradise Valley AZ Real Estate and McCormick Ranch Real Estate. Now how's that for shameless keyword insertion! I'm one step closer already!
- Learn all there is to know about the human spleen.
- Make it through a full day without uttering a quote from Glory at some point . "Some day they're gonna let the fifty fourth in it." Darn.
- Return all of the pens, appointment books, refrigerator magnets, bagels and cream cheese that lenders, title companies and home inspectors bestow upon me to solicit my business. How about one single, solitary referral instead?
- Finally determine who let the dogs out so The Baha Men can rest in peace.
- Attend each and every Scottsdale City Council meeting for the sole purpose of publicly expressing just how terrible of a youth soccer coach Councilman Littlefield was.
- Arrive for home inspections 15 minutes early to cue up "The Imperial March" (Darth Vader's Theme) from Star Wars on the home theater. Crank it all the way up, and blast that puppy as the inspector walks through the front door.
- When representing a buyer, insert the following language next to the "offer rejected by seller box" on all of my contracts: "I like you. Do you like me? If so, do not check this box!"
- I will stop buying every new gadget for business that comes on the market. I'll just use this stylus to make a note of that.
- With a straight face, I will tell the next person who asks, How's Real Estate? "Stable. We don't get many earthquakes here in Scottsdale."
- I will demand that my father requires others to address him in the form of a question in 2008. To this day, he has not adequately proven to me that he is not, in fact, Alex Trebek.
"I'll take Scottsdale Real Estate for 1000, Ray!"
With my goals clearly defined for the coming year, it is truly going to be one for the books. Best of luck to everyone in 2008, in both your personal and professional lives. Scott Baio, Ralph Macchio, Corey Haim and I look forward to seeing you at my open houses!
Paul Slaybaugh with Realty Executives is your source for Scottsdale AZ Real Estate. While Paul (thankfully) has absolutely no association with the above "celebrities," he does know how to sell houses. It's been a family tradition since 1974. For all of your Scottsdale, Phoenix and Paradise Valley AZ Real Estate needs, call Paul today at (480) 948-9450 or send him an email at paul@rayandpaul.com.
Your source for Scottsdale Real Estate since the dawn of time ... or thereabouts.
Launch your Scottsdale Home Search now!
Love your late night musings, hilarious! Next time I have buyers with a sense of humor I'll have to try the Darth Vader trick.
We're all counting on you to put the Baha Men to rest! Thanks in advance!
If Ted "Isaac" Lange is there, I am there. You are a funny dude, my friend. By the way, please don't tell anyone, but I let the dogs out. There. I said it. Yep. I let 'em out. Also, you may find the following to be helpful:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spleen
Please don't pull a Chevy Chase and get addicted to painkillers after your crazy pratfalls.
Here is another consideration for your inspector theme:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iKeE3saeguY
I'm always happy to make you laugh, Katerina. Newspaper advertising is a joke. It's a great way to impress a seller without accomplishing anything. No kidding, I ran a beautiful full color ad for 6 months this past year which featured a rotation of my listings. The netresult? Drumroll please ... 1 phone call! Smart marketing trumps wasteful marketing every day of the week.
Jason, I knew you let the dogs out. I just knew it. I was hoping you would be man enough to admit it. Now if you could please round them up and return them at once, perhaps The Baha Men will be able to get on with their lives ... performing on the Chuck E Cheese novelty act circuit.
Your Inspector Gadget link was priceless, by the way.
Hi Marc. Another Eddie Murphy fan, I love it! All these years later, that one little line still cracks me up. Before he became safe and family friendly, Eddie was one of the best ever.
I was considering the theme to Jaws, but I am SOOOOOO working the Darth Vader action for inspections. It's perfect.
One question though, won't Tina Yothers be jealous if you have Blair at the Open Houses? I'm just sayin'....
Paul - Thanks for the morning laughs! This is Great!
I could use a Mimosa this morning from Issac the bartender! Where is he anyway?
Paul, you are so going to disappoint all those check list totin' buckethead inspectors if you return their marketing gifts. You could at least eat the donuts or bagels? they bring you.
And donate all those pens and apppointment books to the homeless shelter. Those guys could use some help remembering where they need to be at what time to get the biggest donations.
And, if you show them you don't want the junk, what are they going to spend their money on.
As for the Darth Vader Theme Here's a couple of choices.
FULL VERSION
30 SECOND CLIP
And I agree, You need to seek proof that your dad is NOT Alex Trebek!
Funny Stuff. Guess I need to get to work on my resolutions.
Lisa: Do NOT give Buscemi directions to my office!
Brian: My theme? Same as always, Eye of the Tiger.
Jeanean: Glad I could accomodate you with the laugh. I hope your 2008 is equally excellent!
Elaine: You know the ferris wheel always has room for one more!
Danny: Solid idea.
Deb: Glad to hear I struck your funny bone! I got your email by the way, and will keep your son's info should I ever need a backup lender. You're a good mom. Best wishes for 2008.
Amanda: Tina Yothers is not welcome at my open houses. Have you seen that tangled mess of blond hair? How am I supposed to keep my client's house in order with her shedding all over the sofa?
Julie: Happy 2008 to you! Once you regain composure, I'm sure it will be a highly productive year!
Elizabeth: Who knows where this stuff comes from? Both of my folks disavow any possibility that it comes from their respective sides of the family tree. Best wishes for 2008!
Tom: Sorry if I stole your thunder, but I'd still love to see your list of resolutions if that indeed is what you were putting together.
James: I haven't seen Isaac this morning. He was up pretty late with Captain Stubing at the casino last night.
Erby: The Buckingham Palace Marching Band playing The Imperial March? Timestamp this at 10:45 AM (MST) on 10/29/2007. I have now officially seen everything!
Thank you kindly, Bill! What's life without laughter? I hope 2008 is a banner year for you as well.
That's funny, Kelly. I've never been one to make resolutions either. Too easy to just muck them up knowing that you can try again next year. If I am going to make a change, I make a change. I don't resolve. Thanks for sharing a laugh with me over this very irreverent resolution list.
Paul, You always make me laugh. One of my resolutions was not to blog as much, except when I need a chuckle or two. Thanks
Hi, Judy. If you are looking to limit your blogging time on AR, I will make it my mission in life to ensure you have something to laugh about while you are around. Best wishes for 2008!
Glad you enjoyed it, Melina. Let me know how the musical accompaniment for the inspector goes!