There are dragons lurking in the dark recesses of your property listing. Mean dragons. Mean, scaly, green dragons that might rise up out of their fiery lairs and go all Godzilla on your potential showings if left unchecked.
And by what name, pray tell, are these marauding reptiles known?
“REALTOR Remarks”
Ah yes, that hobgoblin of good intentions in the multiple listing service that provides for private communication amongst local Realtors. It gives me a good shudder just to type the name of the foul beast. Suburban legend has it that if you say it three times in front of the bathroom mirror with the lights off, you will doom yourself to a lonely stint on the market. Why? Because the private portion of the Arizona Regional Multiple Listing Service which is intended to impart “eyes only” information to the Real Estate sales force is home to some of the most spectacular lapses in judgment this side of New Coke.
“Do not approach cage, monkey will bite!”
“Disregard water damage in hall bathroom shower.”
“Bring me an offer, seller needs to sell NOW!!!”
From the laughable (“House is better than pictures make it look”) to the horrific breaching of client confidentiality (“Divorce situation: husband not cooperative”), one little notation in the private remarks of the listing can torpedo the price you command for your home, if not endanger the sale altogether. Alarm codes, additional showing instructions, agent to agent disclosures – all are intended fodder for the REALTOR Remarks section. The mistake that is often made, however, is that anything goes so long as it remains hidden from the prying eyes of the public.
The moral of the story? Read the full property listing before your agent inputs it into the MLS. While you will most likely view a PUBLIC copy of the completed listing once it hits the system, you will not be able to see what is privately disclosed to other agents. You will want to see a copy of the FULL listing to ensure that your best interests have not been compromised by a few careless words.
You priced the home well, staged it to look its best, had it professionally photographed, toured and dispersed to the far reaches of the Internet. Don’t blow it now, kid.
Of course, if you want me to avoid your home like the plague, make sure your agent denotes that it “smells kind of funky, but no known presence of mold.”
In the mood to receive offers that are 50% below your list price? Instruct your agent to notify fellow Realtors to “Bring me any offer and I’ll get it accepted!”
Unless the Stargate in the study presents a clear and present danger to those who would tour your home, best not to mention the possible credit for intergalactic species remediation.
Originally posted at the Scottsdale Property Shop
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I read this earlier after seeing it posted on Twitter. Great points all and a reminder to those who should know better!
And I have to say that I would probably approach the monkey anyway...I just cannot help it!
I saw the MLS listing for the monkey one when I saw it on Twitter... made me laugh! I still wonder if anyone I know actually went to the house just to see the monkey...
You mean, we really do have to mind our p's and q's here in MLSLand? Whodathunkit?
I haven't been subject to, nor have I subjected anyone to this type of abuse, but hey, I'm still wet behind the ears, relatively speaking.
0MG! I shouldn't be laughing but I can't help myself. Can't believe any professional would have written those remarks. Great post! I am "suggesting", and will henceforth proofread my private remarks several times.
It is so true that agents put the most ridiculous things in those remarks. Yikes! The worst one that I have seen was probably," No relocation company involved, seller is divorcing and husband already bought out the wife. Bring an offer!"
I caught that on Twitter, Russell. Thanks for the tweet-out ;)
Dawn - Time permitting, I still intend to preview that home with an armful of bananas.
William - It's rampant in my daily trek through the MLS. There is a fine line between disclosure and violation of confidentiality which some simply do not see.
Linda - Amusing and tragic all at the same time. Thanks for the suggestion.
Karen - That's a pretty good one. The biting monkey one is probably my personal favorite to date (yes, that is actually legit.)
Paul - While I'm not a Realtor looking at the MLS as much as all of you, I am a member and do surf the listings once or twice a week looking for something in particular. I am no longer shocked and amazed at the nonsense that some agents put in those private remarks section.
I'm sure the sellers don't know what these morons agents are saying about their properties. The absolute worst ones are the REO listings and I'm sure that the REO banks couldn't give a rats @$$ how their properties are being marketed and sold.
Donne - Too true about many of the REO listings I come across online. Same with short sales. Seems that all bets are off once a mom & pop seller with equity are removed from the equation. When the bank is either the seller or arbiter of acceptable loss, the downshift to a listing agent's "C" game can be sadly tangible.
Thankfully, I haven't seen too much stupidity (although I've seen some) in that section of our MLS. Every once in awhile, though, I want to actually call the seller and ask them if they were aware of the remarks. :)
I can imagine the phone call now, Jason: "I'm not here to judge, but is your agent addicted to codeine by chance?"
Haha! How about this:
"Hi, you don't know me, and I don't mean to be openly rude, but your agent appears to be smoking something pretty strong. Did they get it from you perchance? No? Sorry to have wasted your time."
Paul - I'm not sure what's worse, the brutally honest remarks or the ridiculously fictitious ones. Either way, they're absolute nonsense and are a really poor representation of the idiot agent listing the property.
"Body under porch will be re-located prior to closing."
Hey, it's New Jersey.
Only after 1961, the first year Lincoln came with air conditioning. Before you had to make the drive in a convertible and dress your porch buddy up like Weekend with Bernie in the passenger seat.
Two bits for Fat Sally. Before EZ-Pass when you could tuck the tag inside his front shirt pocket.
So you're not going to fall for the ankle in the tailpipe, Officer?
"Every man dies, but not every man truly lives postmortem."
OK, now my family is asking me why I'm laughing and I'm not sure how to explain the body under the porch or the biting monkey...now they're thinking maybe real estate isn't so boring to talk about after all.
Please pay no attention to Lenza and me, Kristen. We tend to have an effect on threads that run contrary to coherence and all human dignity.
I was going to make a comment about the post, but that took second place to the comment thread. You guys are car-a zeeee! rofl
And why is Joisey always getting a bum rap? (not that I really question it, as a kid growing up in NYC beating up on NJ was part of growing up, especially when Piscopo made it so OK to do.)
As my big ole Texan college roommate would say, Maggie, "Them boys ain't right." ;)
Paul, Love the comments when you and your gang get going!
As far as the post, I always love the bonus offers for successful closing by xxx date, and that date was three months ago. Go back and delete the stupid comment!
Funny you should mention the outdated bonuses, Bill, as an agent is going to unwittingly pay me an extra .5% at the close of escrow than was most likely intended. Listed co-broke fee (slightly higher than the norm) was specified to be for a transaction that is to close prior to August 15th. The poor, misguided soul neglected to list the co-broke fee for transactions that would close after that date. In the absence of that figure, guess he didn't realize that he was offering the stated fee in perpetuity. We'll see how benevolent I'm feeling when the closing comes around as to whether I force the issue. I'm not greedy, I just despise sloppiness.
I always think it's curious when they leave the code to the garage door or directions to where the spare key is...sigh! Haven't read many posts due to the shedule lately. I've missed you and hope you and yours are doing great!
Shanaynay! Always great to see you. I'm guilty of the same. A fair amount of posting, but my schedule has made me a bad blog friend. Collecting comments, but not doing an adequate job of depositing my own on other blogs lately. So little time to breathe, let alone read. You'll have to drop me an email and let me know how the long-awaited sit down with Waldman went.
"Urn in living room is not an ashtray. It's Uncle Ollie."
"Seller is novice electrician. The garage door opener is accidentally wired to septic system blowout valve."
"Curtains convey, but buyer must retrieve from backyard interment. RIP, Fluffy."
"Security system armed. His name is Cato. Good luck."
"Extensive sword collection mounted in foyer. Please do not show during earthquake."
"Seller dyslexic. Bring offer of $000,003."
"Does anybody read this section? I don't think anybody reads this section. Blah, blah house. Blah, blah neighborhood. Blah, blah schools. Blah, blah asbestos ..."
"Pay no attention to the man behind the shower curtain."
"Seller has listing agent trapped in basement dungeon. Allow 72 hours for response to offers."
"Anybody else out there ever wondered what's it all about? Is this all there is? We just work, work, work and then we die? Appliances do not convey."
"Seller epileptic. Present offers via strobe light morse code."
You do realize I'm going to come back and delete these?
Figured as much. You're management now. ;)
Corporate, too.
Egads.
It is amazing what some agents will reveal about their clients. I've had agents call me to tell me exactly how low their clients will go. I always find it horrifying, although they ask me first not to reveal it to my client! Ha! As sad as I find the seller's situation, when I am working for the buyer, I do pass the info along.
Pretty crazy, Susan. I'd like to think such disclosures are always authorized by the seller, but we all know better.
You got dragons, I got swans. My favorite MLS agent remark was my own. It was suggested and approved by the seller.
"Listing agent must accompany. Breeding swans on property will become aggressive when bothered. Do not bring dogs on showing".
This homeowner raised swans as a hobby. This was not a farm or a rural property, but a 7 acre lot in an equestrian area. People with horses also have dogs; dogs dig swans, but swans don't dig dogs. For years I heard that the owner sat up at night and shot beebees at neighborhood dogs who messed with his swans.
Swans are big, mean and very territorial. I hated it when people brought little kids on showings, because the kids inevitably wanted to go see the pond and the swans. You can usually make people lock their dogs in the car, but they get shirty when you suggest that for the kids.
I always wondered what I would do if one of those damn swans came after me. Throw it the closest irritating kid or jack russell, I suppose.
I can't help but be reminded of the three most important factors in Real Estate, Leslie: location, location, territorial water fowl.
This is hilarious and serious stuff. The monkey thing reminded me of a remark that probably should have been in there but wasn't: I showed a home in a nice burb and we didn't hear anything when we entered. There were no additional showing instructions. When we rounded the living room and were staring smack dab at the kitchen, there was CUJO, <this one was a german shepard, not sure what breed it was in SK's book>, bearing teeth, growling, and those were the BIGGEST teeth I had ever seen. About made me wet myself.
Perhaps a remark should have been added: Buyers who don't write an offer will get ripped to pieces. Seller wants offer now!
I saw one the other day that had been on the market for 900+ days and said: Seller is now motivated.
Geez...you mean the seller was motivated at 800 days on the market?
Hi Paul, Since the dawn of time? Really??? Great post, gave me quite a laugh.
Will I get the opportunity to meet you at Rain Camp in Prescott on the 26th?
Jan
And to think what it would be like with all those lovely agents that are no longer practicing due to the economy! Scary World out there.
We did not have Agent to Agent remarks in our MLS until a few years ago. Agent to Agent remarks have been largely unused except for on short sales where listing agents would put a comment that the sale was subject to lender approval. NOW we have fields for short sale info.
Agent to Agent remarks just became OUR default view. We just got new rules and a fine for putting contact info in the public remarks. We've had the remarks that the monkey will bite showing as ad copy on the IDX, Realtor.com, Zillow etc. for all the world to see. Good ad copy....